I was thinking it was that I had lacked courage. But, I think it was that the scales hadn’t fallen from my eyes yet.
Writing that last sentence sent me on the Google search to find out if a) that really was the phrase, and b) what is its origin, and c) what does it mean?
I learned, a) that is the phrase, and b) it probably comes from the story of Paul (who once was Saul) in the book of Acts when he stops persecuting “Christians” after being struck blind on the road to Damascus. He regains his sight three days later having embraced a spiritual awakening (the scales fell from his eyes), changes his name from Saul to Paul, and allegedly begins defining “modern” Christianity. Scales might refer to something like glaucoma, so maybe Paul smoked some dope.
(Note: I’m not particularly fond of Paul. He probably was a misogynist, homophobe, anti-semite who thought slavery was just dandy. You know, a Roy Moore who would not be able to immigrate to America today because of his country of origin.)
As for c, this is my favorite definition: “To suddenly be able to see a situation clearly and accurately: ‘the scales had fallen from her eyes and she saw clearly what perhaps she should have been aware of earlier.’”
Nice that the reference uses the pronoun she, because that fits with what has ensued since #metoo went viral. I would change the definition, however to read: she saw clearly what she had been aware of earlier, but had not yet learned to trust her own eyes.
I don’t think it’s just me. I think (hope) we are on a roll with women locking arms and saying loud and clear, “I know chocolate and that’s not chocolate; that’s shit in that sandwich.”
As the scales fell from my eyes, I also disengaged my cloaking device—that thing I used whenever I smelled that I was perceived as a threat. I often used humor and self-deprecation to deflect the perception, retreating behind the cloak where I huddled in humiliation and seething rage.
The humiliation and rage has disappeared along with the cloak. Amazing how fresh the air feels.
The Dark Side still abides in the form of he-who-I-shall-not-name who has the codes necessary to launch nuclear Armageddon. He, of course, had to respond to Senator Kristen Gillibrand’s call for him to resign for his misogynist ways by calling her a whore who had come begging to him for money. Metaphorically, he launched nuclear warheads to destroy her.
And, just to prove the problem is not just men, but also women who don’t run with the wolves, Sarah Huckabee Sanders attempted to humiliate April Ryan, an African American woman reporter, well-respected for her intelligence and integrity, by telling her to get her mind out of the gutter. “Don’t believe your eyes, girl. Shut up and believe what I tell you to believe.”
The Dark Side does abide. But it doesn’t make me want to engage my cloaking device. The air feels too good without it.
I don’t think it was a lack of courage that kept me from believing what I saw with my own eyes. I think rather that #metoo shone light on my courage. I have been mouthing off since forever, telling my truth pretty much over and over again. What courage has saved me from is the shame and humiliation I felt when my truth was twisted into lies and weaponized against me.
So, now what?
“We will not be satisfied until justice rolls down like waters and righteousness like a mighty stream.” Martin Luther King, Jr.
Note: I do not think Al Franken should have resigned. I think he is a mensch, was smeared, and knew that if doubt was cast on his accusers, it would demean all those women who are speaking out.
Steve Schmidt, John McCain’s campaign manager, said that women will need to be ruthless in their pursuit of power. He said that Kirsten Gillibrand effectively removed Al Franken from her path if she wants to run for president. I have to say I had that same queasy feeling when she led the call for his resignation. I hope that isn’t true. I don’t want us to ascend to power that way.
What do you think?